Astonishing
by gleeme33
Summary: I'll be astonishing, astonishing, astonishing at last. Moritz/Ilse


**Inspired by listening to **_**Astonishing **_**from **_**Little Women **_**one too many times on my IPod. I think this scene between Jo and Laurence is perfect of Moritz and Ilse too – Jo and Ilse are very much alike. Hope you guys like it, but then again, if you don't it's just a one-shot, so. Thanks and enjoy.**

Ilse was alone on the bridge that night. The stars were out – all of them, each uncountable star was shinning tonight. She looked out and could see the horizon, clear and fine. She shook her head. All those little stars, so bright and luminescent, and…so many of them. All so naïve, so…so unable to know the world around them, the world in which their light and talent can be so venerated…

"Ilse?"

Ilse whipped around.

Nothing.

"Ilse?"

There it was again.

"Yes?" She called out.

"Oh, good, you're here!" said the voice. The voice, so it seems, belonged to none other then Moritz Stiefel. "I-I…I've been looking for you."

"Moritz?" Ilse saw Moritz smile at her, walking towards her. She ran up to him and hugged him tightly, which seemed to put off the bushy-haired boy. "Oh good! I thought perhaps you were Johan Fehrendorf or Gustav Baum. They never left me alone! I'm so glad to see you, Moritz! We haven't spoken since…since…"

"Since we played pirates together?" Moritz suggested.

"Oh, yes!" Ilse clapped. "Remember the fun we had? Wendla Bergmann, Melchior Gabor, you and I…"

"Yes, yes…" Moritz shook his head, almost chuckling at the memories. "We did have such fun, didn't we? I've missed you Ilse. I've been thinking about you…thinking about…my life choices…"

"Still in school then?" She asked, a small smile aghast on her pink lips.

"Well, yes," Moritz looked down and sighed. "But this semester, I through."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that –"

"Don't be, Ilse," Moritz cut her off. "Like I said, I've been thinking about my life a lot lately and…Ilse, it's time I stopped _thinking _and actually _do _something. Like you did. Understand?"

"Of course I do," she said quietly, trying to find resolution in his puzzling expression. "But…what did you have in mind? Are you running away too?"

"Actually, I've been saving up my money, Ilse."

"What for?"

"Oh," he shook his head again, changing the subject now. "Oh Ilse, look at you! Please, let me buy you something new to wear…"

"Moritz," she stopped him. "_Why _have you been thinking about…money? And…life choices? What for?"

"Well…" he took a deep breath, and then started. "For a lot of things. I've been planning, Ilse. I need $2,000 to get to America. Just $2,000. But I sort of made a dent in my plans…"

"How?" she asked, her eyes alight.

"I needed to use some of it…to buy a ring."

"A…_ring_?" Ilse took a step back.

"Yes, a ring!" Moritz declared. "Because I…I love you Ilse! I love you and…and if I make it to America, I want you to come with me. We could have a life together, Ilse. I real life. A house and a family. All of it. Together, just you and I. So…"

Then, the unthinkable happened.

He got down on one knee

And pulled out a ring.

"What are _doing_?" Ilse shrieked. "Stop this Moritz! It isn't funny!"

"I want to _marry_ you, Ilse." Moritz continued. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Ilse, please…"

One beat

Two beats

Three…

"Will you marry me?"

She walked towards him, fighting back tears.

She nearly embraced him, and their lips almost met.

But instead

She closed the little box.

"No. No…no, no…oh, Moritz, _no_! Find someone else! Find…an accomplished girl!"

"I don't want an accomplished girl, I want _you_!"

"But you can't have _me_!"

Silence.

"Moritz, please…Moritz please understand…I'll never marry, Moritz! I need to be _myself_ first, Moritz! Travel the world, do great things…_become _something! That's…that's _me_, Moritz. Not _we_."

"You'll marry…" He looked away from her now. "Just not…_me_…"

"No!" Ilse yelled. "I love you, Moritz…but…first…first I need to love myself."

"You knew all along how I felt! Everyone knew!"

"And you knew all along _who I am_!" They both stopped for a second. "And what I want…no, what I _need_!" She touched his cheek, and he held onto her now. "I'm…I'm sorry, Moritz. But no."

And he ran out of sight.

_Who is he?_

_Who is he with his marry me?_

_With his ring and his marry me,_

_the nerve, the gull._

_This is not,_

_Not what was meant to be._

_How could he ruin it all_

_With those two words?_

_I thought I knew him_

_Thought that he knew me_

_When did it change?_

_What did I miss?_

_A kiss,_

_When I thought all along,_

_That we were meant to find frontiers,_

_How could I be so wrong?_

_And I need,_

_How I need my sisters here_

_If I can't share my dreams_

_What were they for?_

_I thought our promise_

_That we would never change and never part._

_I thought together,_

_We'd amaze the world._

_How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart._

_I thought home was all I'd ever want_

_My attic all I'd ever need._

_Now nothing feels the way it was before_

_And I don't know how to proceed._

_I only know I'm meant for something more_

_I've got to know if I can be_

_Astonishing_

_There's a life_

_That I am meant to lead_

_A life like nothing I have known_

_I can feel it_

_And it's far from here_

_I've got to find it on my own_

_Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin._

_A life of passion that pulls me from within,_

_A life that I am making to begin._

_There must be somewhere I can be_

_Astonishing_

_Astonishing_

_I'll find my way_

_I'll find it far away_

_I'll find it in unexpected and unknown_

_I'll find my life in my own way_

_Today_

_Here I go_

_And there's no turning back_

_My great adventure has begun_

_I may be small_

_But I've got giant plans_

_To shine as greatly as the sun_

_I will blaze until I find my time and place_

_I will be fearless,_

_Surrendering modesty and grace_

_I will not disappear without a trace_

_I'll shout and start a riot_

_Be anything but quiet_

_Christopher Columbus_

_I'll be Astonishing_

_Astonishing_

_Astonishing_

_At Last_

That was the last time Ilse ever saw Moritz. And, that night when no stars would shine, when there was no horizon, Ilse found herself running to their bridge. She fought back her tears…but lost the battle. But when she got there…that was the biggest surprise at all.

There, on their spot on the bridge, sat three things.

First, a new dress.

Second, a note.

Third, a small box.

Ilse looked at the note…it was written in his handwriting.

_My Dearest Ilse_,

_I understand now what you were trying to say that night on this bridge. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else…and, Ilse, I could not love myself. That was the problem, Ilse. I just couldn't love myself. But I will always love you. I would have been proud to be your husband. _

_ Love, Moritz_

She put the note down,

Put on the dress,

And slipped the ring in the little box

On her left hand.

"No, Moritz," she whispered. "I'll never marry."

_I'll be Astonishing_

_Astonishing_

_Astonishing_

_At Last_


End file.
